Saturday, April 05, 2008 random funny quotes Quotes that I randomly thought were funny. Cartman: If some girl tried to kick my ass, I’d be like, "Hey. Why don’t you stop... dressing me up like a mailman... a-and making me dance for you... while you go and... smoke crack in your bedroom... and have sex with... some guy... I don’t even know. On my dad’s bed." [Long pause] Stan: Cartman, what the hell are you talking about? Cartman: I’m just saying you’re just a little wuss, that’s all. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Chef: [singing] Say everybody have you seen my balls/They’re big and salty and brown./If you ever need a quick pick-me-up./Just put my balls in your mouth./Ooh, suck on my chocolate salty balls (Stick ’em in your mouth)/Put ’em in your mouth and you suck ’em and you suck ’em. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cartman: You so much as TOUCH kitty’s ass, and I’ll put a firecracker in your nutsack and blow your balls all over your pants. Stan: Jesus, Cartman. Cartman: Well, I’m just sayn’, man, seriously, don’t mess with kitty, man. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ned: Are fireworks legal in Mexico? Jimbo: Hell, everything’s legal in Mexico. It’s the American way. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Shigure Sôma: [singing] High school girls, high school girls, all for me! High school girls! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Shigure Sohma: So, anyway, I was wondering if you could stop by the house and take a look at Tohru’s cut. That is, if it isn’t a problem. Hatori Sohma: No problem. I’ll stop by the house this evening. Shigure Sohma: Hmmm? What’s this, Hatori? I don’t think I ever heard you sound so eager to come over. Could it be you have a secret crush on Tohru? [long silence from the other end of the phone] Shigure Sohma: [shouts] I knew it! You naughty, naughty man, you! Hatori Sohma: No, I was simply too amazed by your stupidity to say anything -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Kagura: You don’t know what a woman feels like when she’s in love! Shigure Sohma: Oh, yes I do! Or at least I’ve felt enough women to venture a guess. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Shigure Sohma: We have just witnessed a classic example of what I like to call ’ misdirected rage.’ I believe the technical term is ’being an ass.’ -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hotohori: My eyes are more open, the bridge of my nose is more pronounced, and my body is much more sexy. Fix this at once! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Miroku: [Sango falls to the ground sobbing] Sango? Sango: Yes! Miroku: You’ll have my children? Ten babies, or maybe even twenty? Sango: Yes! Miroku... does this mean you’ll stop womanizing? Miroku: [stunned] Huh? Uh... heh heh... Sango: [briefly pausing on each word] You. Will. Stop. Flirting... Right? [Miroku looks away, chuckling] Sango: [thinking] I’ll take that as a no... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Kagome: Oh, wow! He proposed to her! Inuyasha: He poses a what? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Inuyasha: Are you crazy? You could have gotten yourself killed. Kagome: I wouldn’t have done it if I wasn’t sure. I mean, he couldn’t be that bad. Let’s give him a chance, hear him out. [Miroku wakes up and rubs Kagome’s ass] Kagome: [runs into Inu Yasha’s arms] I was wrong. Kill him. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Inuyasha: Shippou, your village just called. They said they were looking for their idiot. Shippo: Kagome, Inuyasha is being mean to me! Kagome: Inuyasha, look what you’ve done! You’ve hurt his feelings! Inuyasha: OW! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Miroku: Please do not fear, we shall exterminate the youkai for you. Villager: Will you really? Miroku: We ask for nothing in return, except for a place to stay, some food, and women. Sango: What did you just say? Miroku: It was a joke. How about just the women? Miroku: [Sango hits Miroku with a weapon] I’m just joking. Kagome: Then don’t even say it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Inuyasha: Whatever it is, it’s big. Miroku: Yes, lets run. Inuyasha: Hmm? What, no way! You can’t just eat and run! Miroku: If the demon is truly big, then we are no match for it. Its irrational. Its impossible. Its against my religion. Inuyasha: You ought to be arrested. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ill think of some more later... Saturday, December 29, 2007 Weird Al is fucking hilarious If you don't know who he is, he parodied songs like Gangsta's Paradise(Amish Paradise) and Ridin' Dirty(White and Nerdy). He also does interviews with celebrities that are-well, just check them out. I almost died laughing. Weird Al interviews Eminem. http://www.collegehumor.com/video:950545 Weird Al Interviews Avril Lavigne http://www.jibjab.com/view/210143 Weird Al Interviews Jessica Simpson http://www.jibjab.com/view/141821 Weird Al Interviews K-Fed http://www.vidadayplus.com/2007/04/26/weird-al-interviews-kfed/ Weird Al Madonna Interview http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ft4Ogih2vs Weird Al Interviews Celine Dion http://www.jibjab.com/view/141287 Weird Al Mariah Carey Interview http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPLZXU57KcE Weird Al and Snoop Dogg http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lahc61vK0cQ HOLY SHIT!!! I ALMOST DIED LAUGHING!! I LOVE WEIRD AL!! AHAHA! The thing is, I don’t know WHAT interview it was, but Snoop actually did say "The reason I took the ’doggy’ out of my name is cause I didn’t wanna be abused doggy style anymore’ WHAT THE FUCK!!! LOL. Or is that fake too? I don’t know but I fucking LOOOOOOVE this.