Quotes I like Death Note Near: What is right from wrong? What is good from evil? Nobody can truly distinguish between them. Even if there is a God, and his word existed, even then I'd stop and think for myself. I'd decide for myself whether his teachings are right or wrong. After all, I am just the same as you, killer. I put faith in my own convictions as to what I believe is right, and consider them to be righteous. TV News Reader: It crashed into it! A truck has crashed into the Sakura TV Studios! L: That is certainly one way of entering without anyone seeing your face. Light: I've killed two people. I've killed two people. What should I do? I should...no...who cares if he died? But what about the second one? He didn't deserve death. No! that's what I'm always thinking. This world is rotten, and the rotten should die. I can do it, but...the problem is my mind. It's only two people and I'm already like this. Of course, these are lives so it can't be easy. Can I stand it? Should I quit? No, I can't quit. Even if it costs me my life, someone has to do it. Things can't remain as they are. Is there anyone else I could trust? A person like that doesn't exist. I can do it-no, ONLY I can do it. I'm going to change the world. To clean the Earth, I keep killing off criminals. The world is useful-the TV runs the news 24 hours a day, and you can find anything with the internet. I can research who to kill from there. I'm writing down all the released names of criminals and lowering the amount of evil in the world. Even an idiot will realize that evil people are being killed. I'm gonna make the world aware of my existance-that there is someone passing down judgment. Nobody will be able to do evil anymore, and the world will advance in the right direction. Then one day, when everyone realizes that evil people are being killed, I will build a world of only kind- hearted people that I accept. I will be the God of this new world. Me, evil? I am justice. I am the God placed here to save the weak and create a perfect world. Those who appose God- THEY are evil. DBZ [Frieza has just pulled Nail's arm off] Frieza: Maybe you can use it as a backscratcher! Ha ha ha! A backscratcher! Where do I come up with this stuff? Frieza: There're three things I refuse to tolerate: cowardice, bad haircuts, and millitary insurrection. King Kai: I'm the King. When you get to be King, you're not supposed to have to do all the work. Piccolo: [Talking to his split form] Hey, make a mental note - tails grow back Piccolo: I've never had real feelings about anyone before... Grr... I don't like it! Gohan: Piccolo, can I have some help here? Piccolo: Sure just one thing. There will be no help! Arlian King: Kill those men, they're very bad men. Nappa: We're bad? Vegeta: Well, a little. Vegeta: Kakarot! Stop poking me in the eye you idiot! Goku: It's not my fault, you keep poking me in the mouth! Vegeta: Shut up Kakarot! Vegeta: Whenever the journalists show up, I'll just destroy them. Bulma: Vegeta, behave yourself! Vegeta: Fine. Master Roshi: Now, did you boys remember to pack your toothbrushes! Krillin: Yes! Goku: Tooth... what? Vegeta: I'd rather die than fuse with you! Goku: Vegeta, you're already dead! Majin Buu: Buu turn you into candy. Majin Buu: [Super Buu] So, hotshot, you want to fight Majin Buu? Gohan: [smirking] Fight you? No. I want to kill you. Videl: You know those people? Gohan: Yeah. That man, wearing the orange uniform, he's my dad. Videl: WHAT? I thought your dad was with another woman. Gohan: Oh no! Just dead. Didn't you see that ring floating over his head? Videl: I think I need to lie down. Fruits Basket Shigure Sôma: [singing to himself as he prepares for Tohru's friends to come over] High school girls! 1, 2, 3! High School Girls! All for me! Hatori Sohma: No problem. I'll stop by the house this evening. Shigure Sohma: Hmmm? What's this, Hatori? I don't think I ever heard you sound so eager to come over. Could it be you have a secret crush on Tohru? [long silence from the other end of the phone] Shigure Sohma: [shouts] I knew it! You naughty, naughty man, you! Hatori Sohma: No, I was simply too amazed by your stupidity to say anything. Kagura: You don't know what a woman feels like when she's in love! Shigure Sohma: Oh, yes I do! Or at least I've felt enough women to venture a guess. Hatori Sohma: If it's possible for one person to be hurt by another, then it's possible for that person to be healed by another. Shigure Sohma: Tohru's very cute, in a sweet sort of way. Hatori Sohma: For some reason when you say that it reeks of something illegal. Shigure Sohma: We have just witnessed a classic example of what I like to call 'misdirected rage.' I believe the technical term is 'being an ass.' Fushigi Yûgi Hotohori: My eyes are more open, the bridge of my nose is more pronounced, and my body is much more sexy. Fix this at once! Inuyasha Kagome: I'm telling you, I'm not her. Inuyasha: And I'm saying you have to be. 'Cuz there's no other way you could smell so... [sniffs in her direction] Inuyasha: You're not her. Kagome: I know. My name is Kagome. Ka-Go-Me. Inuyasha: You're right. Kikyo was cuter. Much cuter. Miroku: [Sango falls to the ground sobbing] Sango? Sango: Yes! Miroku: You'll have my children? Ten babies, or maybe even twenty? Sango: Yes! Miroku... does this mean you'll stop womanizing? Miroku: [stunned] Huh? Uh... heh heh... Sango: [briefly pausing on each word] You. Will. Stop. Flirting... Right? [Miroku looks away, chuckling] Sango: [thinking] I'll take that as a no... Kagome: Oh, wow! He proposed to her! Inuyasha: He poses a what? Inuyasha: Are you crazy? You could have gotten yourself killed. Kagome: I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't sure. I mean, he couldn't be that bad. Let's give him a chance, hear him out. [Miroku wakes up and rubs Kagome's ass] Kagome: [runs into Inu Yasha's arms] I was wrong. Kill him. Inuyasha: Shippou, your village just called. They said they were looking for their idiot. Shippo: Kagome, Inuyasha is being mean to me! Kagome: Inuyasha, look what you've done! You've hurt his feelings! Inuyasha: OW! Princess Tsuyu: Nobunaga, there's a monkey on your head.   Miroku: Please do not fear, we shall exterminate the youkai for you. Villager: Will you really? Miroku: We ask for nothing in return, except for a place to stay, some food, and women. Sango: What did you just say? Miroku: It was a joke. How about just the women? Miroku: [Sango hits Miroku with a weapon] I'm just joking. Kagome: Then don't even say it. Miroku: [looking at the Water Goddess] You're so beautiful, yet so tiny. It would be a first for me, but I'm certainly willing to try. Sango: [shouts] Try *what*? Miroku: Aah... Nothing! [to himself] Miroku: Resist all temptation... Shippo: No, not the ears, they're my best feature! Inuyasha: Whatever it is, it's big. Miroku: Yes, lets run. Inuyasha: Hmm? What, no way! You can't just eat and run! Miroku: If the demon is truly big, then we are no match for it. Its irrational. Its impossible. Its against my religion. Inuyasha: You ought to be arrested. Miroku: What exactly did you do with Lady Kikyou? Inuyasha: What do you usually do when you think you're alone with a woman? Miroku: Ah! Ghastly! You did THAT in front of Lady Kagome? Inuyasha: Why, what do you usually do with women? Miroku: Oh! Um... nothing... Sailor Moon Lita: You've got to stop reading so many romance novels! Mina: Look who's talking! You think the paperboy likes you just because he rides by your front door every morning! Computer: Give me your password for voice-check. Luna: "I love tuna fish and field mouse pudding." Sammy: You know, Serena, I really think you'd be a great model... Serena: Hmm? Sammy: I know this place where they take tons of pictures. You fit in really well there. It's called the zoo! 8 Mile B. Rabbit: Hey Sol, do you ever wonder at what point you just got to say fuck it man like when you gotta stop living up here and start living down here? Sol: It's 7.30 in the morning dawg. Stephanie: Greg and I are having sex problems. B. Rabbit: Please, you're not gonna talk to me about that. Stephanie: Greg won't go down on me. B. Rabbit: Fuck, mom. Alex: [to Jimmy] So how come they call you rabbit? Future: Cause he's fast and likes to fuck a lot.   Bully Donny: Fatalize, what's that?... fatalize... What's fatilize mean... um, I mean... does it mean you're dead? Derek: No Dude, Its worse... I mean... It's way worse bro... Cause you have to live man... you have to live and you're a... fuckin' baby. Derek Kaufman: Donny? That guys retarded! Lisa: No no, he just gets high a lot, he's just as normal as you and me Derek Kaufman: That's not saying much... Bobby Kent: You call this going out? Alice 'Ali' Willis: Well, I don't know! Bobby Kent: I call it a fucking blowjob! A damn fine blowjob but a blowjob all the same. Girl, Interrupted Daisy: Which do you like better? Taking a dump alone or with Valerie watching? Susanna: Alone. Daisy: Everyone likes to be alone when it comes out. I like to be alone when it goes in. To me, the cafeteria is like being with twenty girls all at once taking a dump. Lisa: That is fucked up, Daisy. Susanna: What kind of sex isn't casual? Susanna: I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. Cynthia: Hey John, call me a cab. John: Okay, you're a cab. Susanna: [narrating] When you don't want to feel... death can seem like a dream. But, seeing death - really seeing it... makes dreaming about it fucking ridiculous. Lisa: Lady, back off! Mrs. Gilcrest: Was I talking to you? Lisa: No, you were spitting on me, so mellow fuckin' out! Mrs. Gilcrest: Don't you tell me what to do. Lisa: Look, she gave your husband a rim job. Big fuckin' deal! I'm sure he was begging for it, and I heard it was like a pencil anyway. Mrs. Gilcrest: Why you - how dare you! Lisa: Some advice, okay? Just don't point your fuckin' finger at crazy people! Susanna: Was I ever crazy? Maybe. Or maybe life is... Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It's you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. They were not perfect, but they were my friends and by the '70s most of them were out living lives. Some I've seen, some never again, but there isn't a day my heart doesn't find them. Susanna: Maybe everyone out there is a liar. And maybe the whole world is stupid, and ignorant. But I'd rather be in it. Id' rather be fucking in it, than down here with you. Susanna: I didn't try to kill myself. Dr. Potts: What were you trying to do? Susanna: I was trying to make the shit stop. Lisa: If talking did shit, we'd be out of here by now. Georgina: I'm gonna have peppermint stick. Polly: Yeah, me too, can I just have peppermint stick? Ronny: Sure. Daisy: NO! It’s just called PEPPERMINT! M.G.: Peppermint dick! [everyone laughs] M.G.: Peppermint CLIT! Daisy: My father loves me. Lisa: I bet. With every inch of his manhood Kids Telly: But like, if you deflower a girl man, man, you're the man. No one can ever do that again. You're the only one. No one, no one, has the power to do that again. Casper: Right. The way I see it. My outlook on the situation. It's like getting fame, you know what I'm saying? Say you was to die tomorrow right, fifty years from now all the virgins you ever fucked are gonna remember you. Right? They gonna tell their grandkids about that shit. Telly: I think if we fuck, you would love it! Casper: That girl was 12, you hit that shit up? Telly: Who am I? I'm the motha-fuckin virgin surgeon. Thirteen Tracy: Um, since when does Medina have a ghetto booty? Evie: Oh, I think she stuffs. Astrid: That slut ain't got shit on THESE double-cheesburgers. [She shakes her butt] Medina: Shake it, don't break it, bitch. Astird: Fuck her. Tracy: Would you like me to model my new thong? Great for pooping on the go! Rapper #1: [rapping] I feel like humpin' somethin'! I feel like humpin' somethin'! I feel like humpin' somethin'! Tracy: [speaking in gibberish] Why does my tongue hurt? Evie: Maybe because you gave head. South Park Mr. Garrison: ...I'm Sorry Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die. Satan: How come you always want to make love to me from behind? Is it because you want to pretend I'm somebody else? Saddam Hussein: Satan, your ass is gigantic and red. Who am I going to pretend you are, Liza Minelli? Terrence: You're such a pig-fucker, Phillip! Phillip: Terrance, why would you call me a pig-fucker? Terrence: Well, let's see. First of all, you fuck pigs. Phillip: Oh yeah! Dr. Vosknocker: Now, I want you to say "doggy". Cartman: Doggy. Dr. Vosknocker: [to audience] Notice, that nothing happens. [to Cartman] Dr. Vosknocker: Now, say "Montana". Cartman: Montana. Dr. Vosknocker: Good. Now, "pillow". Cartman: Pillow. Dr. Vosknocker: All right. Now I want you to say "horse fucker". Mrs. Cartman: Go on, honey. It's all right. Cartman: Horse fu... [gets shocked by the V-chip] Cartman: That hurts, goddamnit! [gets shocked again] Dr. Vosknocker: Now I want you to say "big floppy donkey dick". Cartman: No! Dr. Vosknocker: [to audience] Success! The child doesn't want to swear! Cartman: This isn't fair, you sons of bi... Dr. Doctor: We accidentally replaced your heart with a baked potato. You have about three seconds to live. Sheila Broflovski: Remember what the MPAA says; Horrific, Deplorable violence is okay, as long as people don't say any naughty words! That's what this war is all about! Cartman: Hey dudes! Kyle: What's the matter Cartman? Cartman: It's this V-Chip, I hate it! I can't say any dirty words Kyle: Really? So you can't say Fuck? Cartman: No! Kyle: And you can't say Shit? Cartman: No! Kyle: So you can't say I'm Eric Cartman the Fattest fucking piece of Shit in the world? Cartman: FUCK YOU! [gets shocked by the V-chip] Cartman: AHHH! Kyle: Ewwww... Sweet! Ticket Taker: Hey wait a minute, where is your guardian? Cartman: What? Ticket Taker: I knew it! You paid a homeless guy to get you in. Didn't you? Cartman: Fuck off, you donkey-raping shit eater. [farts towards him] Newscaster: Is Terrance and Philip affecting America's youth? Here with that report is a midget in a bikini. Saddam Hussein: Let's start by building a big statue of me, right over there where that fat kid is standing. Cartman: Hey, don't call me fat buttfucker! [rays shoot from malfunctioning V-chip and kill a demon from hell] Stan: Do it Cartman! Do it! Cartman: Damn! Shit! Respect my fuckin' authoritayyy! [shocks Saddam] Saddam Hussein: You need to watch your mouth, brat. Cartman: Dog-shit taco! Saddam Hussein: Quick Satan! Do something! Cartman: Try this on for size... Blood drenched frozen tampon popsicle! Saddam Hussein: Hey, buddy! I know I was mean before. But don't worry - I can change! Cartman: OK... not! Fuck, shit, cock, ass, titties, boner, bitch, muff, pussy, cunt, butthole, Barbra Streisand! Mr. Mackey: I want to know where you heard all this horrific obscenities, m'kay? Kyle: Nowhere. Stan: We heard them from Mr. Garrison a few times before. Mr. Mackey: Boys, I seriously doubt that Mr Garrison ever said: "Eat penguin shit, you ass spelunker". Teacher: The word is "forensics". Kid: Ah, fuck that. Why should we fucking have to spell forensics? [cheers from kids in audience] Kid: S-U-C-K-M-Y-A-S-S. Forensics. Saddam Hussein: Hey Satan, I got some new luggage for our trip up to Earth. Let's fuck to celebrate. Satan: The time of prophecy is upon us! Saddam Hussein: I love when you get all biblical, Satan! You know exactly how to turn my crank. Satan: No, I'm being serious! Mr. Garrison: [now Mrs. Garrison] I'm pregnant! Woo hoo, now I can have an abortion! Cartman: You so much as TOUCH kitty's ass, and I'll put a firecracker in your nutsack and blow your balls all over your pants. Stan: Jesus, Cartman. Cartman: Well, I'm just sayn', man, seriously, don't mess with kitty, man. Cartman: It's Christmas. We officially missed it. It's Christmas Day and I'm in Canada. Kyle: Yeah, but I got my brother back. Cartman: Yeah, you got your brother back but I didn't get any presents. And what did I tell you, Kyle? I told you if we didn't make it back in time for Christmas I was gonna whoop your ass, didn't I? Now you're gonna get it, motherfucker. That's it, you and me. Right now. We're having it out. Come on. Come on. [Kyle slaps Cartman] Cartman: WAAAAAAAH. WAAAAAAAAH. MOOOOOOM. MOOOOOOM. Stan: You guys, I'm getting that John Elway football helmet for Christmas. Cartman: How do you know? Stan: 'Cause I looked in my parents' closet last night. Cartman: Yeah, well I sneaked around my mum's closet too and saw what I'm getting. The Ultravibe Pleasure 2000. Stan: What's that? Cartman: I don't know but it sounds pretty sweet. Cartman: Naw dude, independent films are those black and white hippy movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding. Stan: Guys, we have no choice. We're gonna have to move away. Environmental activists don't use logic or reason. Cartman: See, this is what we call an all-you-can-eat buffet. Here you can eat all you want for just $6.99. That why everyone comes here on Tuesday nights, except for Kenny's family because for them, $6.99 is two year's income. Satan: Saddam. But... I killed you. Saddam Hussein: Well where was I supposed to go, Detroit? Newscaster Ned: If irony was made of strawberries, we'd all be drinking a lot of smoothies right now. Mr. Garrison: Don't lie, Stan. Lying makes you sterile. Stan: Jimmy, will you go talk to Wendy for me? Jimmy: F-F-for wh-what? Stan: Just go talk to her, and be poetic. Tell her she's my muse. No, tell her... tell her... she's a continuing source of inspiration to me. Jimmy: She's what? Stan: She's a continuing source of inspiration to me. Jimmy: Okay. Hey, W- Hey, Wendy. Wendy: Yeah? Jimmy: Stan says you're a cont... you're a cont... Stan says you're a cont- cont... [sounds like "cunt"] Wendy: Well, tell Stan to stop! [walks away] Jimmy: [continues] ... cont... You're a continuing source of inspiration to him.